Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ayaka Part 1

You know, I actually believe there is such a thing as Justice in the Universe.

Despite knowing that there are many evil deeds that might go unpunished and good actions that will never directly bear any fruits for their perpetuators, I chose to believe that the Universe is formed by equations that will always get to balance themselves. It doesn’t matter how it affect the elements involved in the system, as long as the answer fits the question and vice versa.

There must be equality.

If that was not true, I would have no reason to be running to school today, being the textbook example of ‘late.’ And yes, that does contrast with me running away from school yesterday, so early in the morning I didn’t even met my teacher in the hallways while fleeing.

That’s karma for you.

It would seem like everything was too perfectly balanced for reality, but I refuse to give it more thought because I still have the whole ‘my real world is actually fictional’ theory on my mind. To be honest, I probably deserved it. I got trapped in a gruesome nightmare, I ran for a long time, I fought like I haven’t fought in years (mind you, my childhood was really tough with all of those mysteries going on). How could I expect anything other than falling asleep on the couch and waking up so late for school I don’t even know why I bothered getting up?

So yeah, I believe in Justice. Especially today, because being mad at something you don’t believe in is a job for people who don’t quite grasp the meaning of the word ‘atheism’ yet still use it on a daily basis.

That was mean. I liked it.

…and here we go again. I’m glad you did, but I would rather not listen to your unusually kind words or anything coming from you for that matter.

Another rude thought coming from an essentially good boy whose body’s endorphin releases do not seem to be successful at achieving the runner’s high effect. It’s very interesting to see just how out-of-character you can get when she is not around, or should I say ‘in character at last’?

What are you babbling about? I am acting as I always do. No, I am not even acting: I am thinking and you cannot cause harm to others with your thought alone, only with your actions.

Nevertheless you just tried to and proved yourself wrong in your own terms, considering your belief that I am not a part of you. Of course I could demand an apology as a habitant of your mind, but I think I’ll settle down if you admit that no one is as nice as you pretend to be when you’re next to her.

My mind belongs only to myself and I won’t apologize or justify myself to anyone for anything that stays inside its limits, particularly to you, who is but an unwanted guest, a despicable intruder in my inner kingdom. Begone, ye evil spirit!

You're getting hotter, getting hotter…

By the way, I mean it as in the hot-cold game. I am not attracted to you.

Oh, please! That thought would never cross my mind and…

Or am I?

“…excuse me, what?”

It doesn't really matter; either way, I am just the voice inside your head.

Just go away, will you?

Sure, i-it’s not like I enjoy being near you o-or anything.

The absence of italic-underlined talk that followed was unsettling for some reason, but since it brought back my narrative it probably is a good thing. There are indeed a few unsettling and good things in life but most of them cannot even be thought of so early in the morning, especially in a presumably fictional universe under the risk of receiving a different rating and (for the lack of a better word) exciting some impressionable readers while greatly upsetting their beloved mothers.

Back to the work-safe ‘running to school’ we go.

Other than the sound of my feet stomping on the streets and the steady, fast heartbeats pulsing through me, there was absolutely nothing. At daybreak, the lingering silence in the town was as audible as the frail sounds my body produced, and it seemed to swallow them like quicksand. But as swiftly as the mythical god who shared the name with the chemical element once known as quicksilver…

…no, seriously: That’s it? You’re going away because I asked you to, easy as that? Aren’t you going to make any nasty comments about my overly dramatic manners, remind me of how particularly creepy the trees are this morning, or anything like that at all?

I don’t need to. You just did.

And then the strange voice left me and my narrative alone in a silent, distressingly weird world that was now too full of green for my personal fear-driven taste. Needless to say, in light of the circumstances, I ran just as Mercury would if he were a paranoid teenager with a disturbing and flirtatious inner voice while surrounded by mysteries and suspicious trees.

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